The Diary Of Thomas AndersonNeo
by Ergo-Visavis
Summary: What is the great adventure of the Matrix seen from Neos Point of view? Well, if you wanna find out, and aren't afraid of becoming totally brain dead, read this!
1. Default Chapter

Anyways, so this is The Matrix, completely from Neo's point of view. A little random (O.K., a LOT random) and a little crazy (O.K. a LOT crazy) But You will probably skip this part and go on with the first instalment of my fanfic so how about a few blahs, to make it seem like I 'm saying something important? Blah blh blah! Blah blah? Anyways, Blah blah blah.. I'm done now.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Any of the Wachowski brothers characters, and sadly I don't own Keanu Reeves either whinesobsniffle anyways, on with the show!! Well, fanfic.  
  
The Diary of Thomas Anderson/Neo  
  
Entry 1:  
  
Well, suddenly felt weirdly compelled to wake up and stare at computer. My pictures of that old bald dude, Morpheus, had stopped scrolling on the screen. Then the computer TALKED. Well, not talked, but well. IMed me, I guess. Well then it got obnoxious and ordered me to wake up and follow a white rabbit. Then It said knock nock, and went black. Then someone knocked on the door. Spooky. But was just some weird dude with a bunch of other weird dudes, and a couple girls. Well anyways, he asked me for his disk and gave me 2 000$. I'm special. Then I slammed the door in his face and got the disk from my special hollowed out book. Told ya I was special. Then the dude said I should go with them to some weird nightclub. I said no. then this weird girl turned around, and I saw a tattoo of a white rabbit. So I followed it. Just like my computer said. Because I'm special.  
  
Entry 2:  
  
Night club sucked. Some hot girl in a tight leather suit talked to me though. I wasn't really listening (too busy smelling her hair). She said something about Morpheus and that Matrix thingy. Then I woke up in my room. Creepy. But I was Late for work.  
  
Entry 3:  
  
Boss man got mad at me. Wasn't really listening (too busy staring at the window cleaners). He said something about me being special. I agreed with that. Then he said I was a bad employee, and that got me mad. But I just stood there. Then the boss man said I could (finally) go back to my cubicle. Where I sit and do nothing. Then some FedEx guy gave me a package. It was a cellphone. I signed, and then the FedEx guy saw a volleyball with face on it, and started running after it, yelling 'Wilson!! I'm coming!!'. Freaky. Anyway, then the phone rang. It was Morpheus!! He said something about me being in danger and lines being traced. I wasn't really listening. Then he told me to look over the top of my cubicle. So I did. There were some weird looking dudes with shades standing by the elevator. Then some other dude pointed towards me. Scary. Morpheus told me that if I didn't want to find out what they wanted with me, I should follow his instructions. So I did. But then I had to make my way across the window ledge of my very tall building. And I was scared. So I got caught by the weird dudes with shades.  
  
Entry 4:  
  
Well, am now in some weird room with a table and chair in it. And ugly walls. Will have to talk to weird dudes with shades about it. He some weird dude with shades came in. He told me his name was Smith and he had been watching me for some tie. Then I thought: Was he watching me when I went to the bathroom? Because that's just perverted. Anyways, I stopped listening (too busy staring at Smiths oversized shnoz). He was saying something about me having 2 lives, and that only one of them has a future, blah blah blah.. Then I gave him the finger ( I'm so funny sometimes, but I don't think Smith appreciated my humour) and asked for my phone call. But Smith took away my mouth!!!!! And then he stuck this weird bug thing into my tummy button. The last thought I had was : Why do those dudes need sunglasses?? We're indoors!! Helloo???.I tried asking them, but was rather difficult, given absence of mouth. 


	2. Trolls and mirrors

Disclaimer: Don't own shit. I was just wondering, I established this in the first chapter, so why does everyone need to be reminded that I don't own anything?? Sorry, brain overload. Ah well, back to my work!!!  
  
Entry 5:  
  
Woke up in my bed again. Funny how this keeps happening. Anywho, the phone rang. It was that Morpheus dude. Anyways, I have to meet that hot girl from the nightclub under some old bridge.  
  
Entry 6:  
  
Met that hot girl from the nightclub under some old bridge. Trinity opened the door for me (because I'm so special, I get doors opened for me. Yipee!!). She started explaining about how I'd been bugged. Then she took out this scary machine thingy. And then this girl asked me to take off my shirt. What a bunch of horny b*****s. But when I got out of the car, Trinity (aka the hot girl from the nightclub) started talking about roads or something. I don't really know, I wasn't paying attention. But then I spotted this troll in the distance, and climbed back in the car. Trinity made me take off my shirt and sucked that bug thingy Smith stuck in my tummy button. She through it out the window and drove away.  
  
Entry 7:  
  
Well, Trinity and Switch and Apoc took me to this weird impressive building. To see Morpheus apparently. Trinity told me to be honest. I sat down in front of Morpheus. He started talking about the Matrix. I wasn't really listening (was too transfixed by his tooth gap. It's really huge.). Then he offered me 2 pills. I chose the red one because it was prettier. But after I swallowed it, He said I could never go back. Quite a ripoff if you ask me. But you didn't.  
  
Entry 8:  
  
Trinity made me sit down on a chair next to a broken mirror. It fixed itself, and I touched it. Then this icky mirrory goo was all over my fingers and wouldn't come off. I was disgusted. I mean, windex people, hello??? Then all of a sudden it covered me completely. Yucky!!!!!!!!  
  
Hey people, readers, whatever. I have no social life at the moment, and as such I can write 3 chapters a day If I feel like it. But once my evil parental unit lifts my punishment, I won't be updating as much. Expect maybe 2 chapters a week, each with 4 to 5 entries of Neos' diary. I am hoping to cover all three films, but maybe not in the same fic. Some chapters will be short, others long. Depends on my mood.  
  
Interesting fact about me: I can eat an entire Nutella jar in 26 minutes and 8 seconds. (I was sick after but that's beside the point). 


	3. More goo!

Disclaimer: If you haven't caught on by now to the fact that I don't own anything, you're just slow. Anyways, on with the randomness, insaness and all-around craziness!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!! Sorry +blushes as readers back away slowly+.  
  
Entry 9:  
  
Woke up in some pod full of red goo. More goo. Great. I am so lucky. And special. But I mentioned that already. I looked around me. There were tons of other people in pods. It was cool. But then this machine floated up to me. It looked mean, so I gave it a glare. But it didn't seem phased. Then it unscrewed this thing in my head. It hurt. I considered giving it the finger, but I had the feeling it wouldn't have changed much. Then, this weird door at the back of the pod opened, and I slid out. It was fun. But then this weird thing grabbed me and threw me into a ship. Which was really rude I think. Then Morpheus leaned over me and said: Welcome to the real world. I decided to faint, so I wouldn't have to listen to anymore of his long boring talks.  
  
Entry 10:  
  
Woke up in some sort of tuby thingy with needles sticking out of me. Trinity and Morpheus were standing over me. My eyes hurt. I asked Morpheus why. But I didn't listen to the answer I decided to go back to sleep.  
  
Entry 11:  
  
When I woke up again, Morpheus said I had to do some sort of simulation thingy. I'm not sure. I wasn't really listening. Then he made me lie down on this chair and told me that something was going to feel really weird. Weird my butt. It hurt like hell. Owie. Then Morpheus and me were standing in some sort of weird room. And my hair was back. Yay. I am sooo hot with my hair. Not that I'm hideous without it. I'm always hot. Hehe. ( Don't worry Keanu I'm aware of it +sigh+) Morpheus started talking about batteries, and the Matrix, and other stuff. I wasn't paying too much attention Then all of a sudden we were on some rocks on a cliff. Morpheus welcomed me to the desert of the real. I wanted to get out. It was scary. Waaaahhhhhh!!!!! Then I was back in the ship and retched all over the floor.  
  
Entry 12:  
  
Well, I was calmly lying down in my room, when Morpheus came to TALK to me. Talk about bad timing. That dude has no sense of privacy. He started talking to me about me being The One. Then I fell asleep. Soooo Booooring. When I woke up. HE WAS STILL THERE!!! Honestly!!! Doesn't that guy have any respect for sleep????  
  
Well folks, that's all for now!! Have to watch Matrix again. It's already been 2 whole days!! Only 2 more days 'till Reloaded!! Yaaay!!!!!!!! More of Keanu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Peoples, write plenty reviews!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Or I will find you and kill you. (Just kidding!! Or am I.) Maybe I'll update again tomorrow. Or today again! Muahahahaha!! Updateupdateupdateupdate!!!! AHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! +Everyone surrounding me runs away+ 


	4. Bouncy concrete

Disclaimer: See disclaimer from chapter 1. It's not like it's gonna change.  
  
Entry 13:  
  
Well, Tank says it's time for my training. I don't care. Well, I'm gonna learn Ju-Jitsu!!!!! Yaaay!!! And since I liked it so much, I'm gonna learn more!!! I'm so special!! Well, when I displayed my knowledge, Morpheus doubted my specialness and made me fight him. Stupidbaldmanwithatoothgapthinkshessogreat.Illshowhim!!!!! Well, I won, eventually. But then he loaded the jump program. I fell, but the concrete road was bouncy!! Yipeee!! But then it lost it's bounciness. That's so mean. I hurt myself. Then Morpheus and I left the construct. But I was bleeding. I thought it wasn't real!! Ii expressed my discontent to Morpheus, who replied something about the mind making it real or something. I wasn't listening (Too busy staring at Trinity who was quite obviously not wearing a bra (!!)).  
  
Entry 14:  
  
Woke up, and Morpheus made me run through another program. He started talking to me about potential enemies. I wasn't listening. There was some really hot (like uber-hot) chick in a red dress SMILED at me. Hehe. Then Morpheus started ragging on me abot not listening to him. Then he asked if I was looking at the woman in the red dress. Well DUH!!!! It's not like I'd spends my time listening to some idiot with a tooth gap who thinks he's smarter than me. I don't like it when people are smarter than me. Grrr. Then he told me to turn around. There was an agent holding a gun to my head!!!!!!!!!!! Then I was allowed to go back to my bed. Hehe. But only after Morpheus gave me a long speech about how if a person isn't freed, they are enemies. Blah blah blah blah BLAH.  
  
Entry 15:  
  
We had breakfast. It was yucky slop. Mouse went on and on about tasty wheat and chicken. But I wasn't listening ( too busy staring at Trinity who still wasn't wearing a bra. Hehe. Then Morpheus said It was time to go see HER. I thought he was talking about God, but it's just some stupid oracle. During the car ride I pointed out a nice noodle shop. I'm so special. I know about noodles!!  
  
Entry 16:  
  
At oracles house. There are some really freaky kids here!!! But this one kid was bending spoons. Cool!! He told me there was no spoon, and that it's my mind that bends. Whatever. Then I decided to bend the spoon too. And it did!! Yaaay!! But then I had to go see the oracle. She said I was Cute. Don't need an oracle to know THAT (I know that too Keanu!!!!!)!! She told me something about me waiting for something, and that I wasn't too bright. That wasn't nice. But then she gave me a cookie. Hehe. Morpheus, Trinity and me got back in the car and drove backt o that abandoned house thingy.  
  
I'm done for today!!!! Tomorrow reloaded comes out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MORE KEANU!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry. You can go now. I will very soon slow down the updating. And pleeeeeeeeeeeease review!!!!!! I'll be very happy!! Hehe. 


	5. Impressionable guards

Disclaimer: Don't own anything. If I id, do you really think I'd spend my time writing fanfics??? Well, probably, but, at least I have my dear computer!!! +computer runs off+ Nooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!! My LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Entry 17:  
  
Well, we were walking up the stairs, when I saw a cat. Then I saw the same cat!!! Hehe!! So I decided to let EVERYONE know. Because If I see something, it's special. Because I'M special. But then Trinity went all weird. She said déjà-vu is usually a glitch in the Matrix, blah blah. I mean come on!! She was wearing tight leather!! How am I supposed to pay attention to some speech about déjà-vu with a hot girl in Tight Leather standing in front of me? Anyways, we called Mouse to warn him, and he realized that there was abrick wall where some sort of exit was supposed to be. Then we heard gunfire. I knew right away Mouse was dead. My first thought was : Great. No more speeches about Tasty Wheat!!!! But that was evil. And I was ashamed. Then cops and agents started coming. So Morpheus, Trinity, Cypher, Switch, Apoc and me went to hide in the walls. But Morpheus had the great idea of fighting the agents. Lots of fighting, then he got taken away. But I was actually sort of sad!! I wanted to save him, but Trinity made me slide down the pipes in the walls.  
  
Entry 18:  
  
We headed for the exit phone, but I couldn't see cipher anywhere. Maybe he was killed!! Hehe. Oops. Bad Neo.The the phone rang. Trin picked up the phone. Then her face went all weird. She started telling Cypher not to do it, then Apoc collapsed. The Switch collapsed. Trinity told God to damn Cypher. The she waited for a few seconds and looked me straight in the eyes. I sent her 'I know you waaant me' vibes. Then she looked at me funny, and said Yes into the phone. My brain said: Ypou are HOT Neo!! You go girl!! I mean. You go. guy? Then Trinity and me left the Matrix. I was more than a little confused. As usual.  
  
Entry 19:  
  
I was getting worried about Morpheus. I mean, if it weren't for him, I never would have met Trinity!! So I told Trinity that I was going to go save Morpheus. She was all pissed when I told her I was going alone, and said something about her loving Morpheus more that anyone else. I then thought: Then why did she respond to my 'I know you waaant me' vibes? Tisk. Women.  
  
Entry 20:  
  
Well, Trin and me are going into the Matrix to save Morpheus. As we entered the construct, I asked Tank for loads of Guns. I am SO special!! Well, we drove up to this government building where Morpheus was being held captive. When I passed the metal detector, it went off, and the guard asked me to empty my pockets. I opened my uber-trenchcoat and exposed all my guns. Hehe. That scared the wimpy guard.  
  
Too tired to write anymore. Sorry if this chapter isn't so funny, but its hard to make fun of people dying, unless you're Hobbit_eyes (If u read this, hope u don't mind I mentioned u)!! Anyways. I have already got the Reloaded dvd!!! And have watchd twice already. Expect another diary soon!!!!! Please review, and thx for the positive feedback ive already got!!! I also tried a Star Wars parody, so check that out and review please!! +stares up hopefully. Readers throw stones at her and leave+ 


	6. Morpheus has a squishy head

Disclaimer: Are you getting tired of this???? I hope not. Because I'm just getting started!!!!!!!!!!! I plan to do Reloaded (which I have 2 copies of) and revolutions!!!!!!!!!!! Aren't you lucky???? + readers cry out 'Isn't it done yet??'+  
  
Entry 21:  
  
Well, fought off all the guards in that lobby. Blew up the lobby. Went up to the roof and got in a fight with an agent!! He started shooting at me and I did this really cool move to impress Trinity!! It worked too!!! Hehe. Well, I remembered I was supposed to save Morpheus. Trinity learnt how to fly a helicopter. When we arrived at the window of Morpheus little chamber of torture, Agent Smith seemed to be bent on squishing Morpheus' head. It looked quite squishy. Hehe. Morpheus has a squishy head. Anyways, I shot the window. And Morpheus got shot in the leg by an agent. I had to jump out of the helicopter to save him. He is too heavy.  
  
Entry 22:  
  
Morpheus got out, and then it was Trinity turn. But then She went all weird, and just as Trinity was out, the telephone cord got shot. Great. Just my luck. Trapped in a subway with Agent Smith. Whoopdee fricken doo. Started fighting. Threw Smith in front of the train. Hehe. I am SO special!!!! Well, I was making a classy exit, when Agent Smith stepped out of the train car. I swear that dude's immortal!! I ran my ass off. Hehe. I stole some guys phone, and asked Tank for an exit. He gave me one, but now 2 other agents were behind me. Sucks to be me.  
  
Entry 23:  
  
Ran into the building. Was followed by the 3 agents. I was cornered by Smith. That guy is so annoying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Win't he just go curl up and die somewhere?? It would make my job a lot easier. Smith shot me!!!!!! 6 times!!!!!  
  
Hello people!!!!!! Well, only one chappy left!!! I could fnish it in this one, but I don't feel like it. Hehe. I'll be finishing this one by next week. I won't be posting anything new from October 25th to November 7th. I'm on vacation!!!!! YAAAAAY!!! Expect a Trinity diary anytime soon. PLEASE review!!!!!!! I need them to live +readers stop writing reviews, and watch me die, laughing+ Well until next time!!! 


	7. The last installment

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.  
  
Chapter 7- The end  
  
Entry 24:  
  
Well. La dee da. I'm dead!!!!!!Well, just as I was going to find out what happens when you die, something started sucking my face. I don't know who it was. But I hope it was Slutney Spears. Hehe. Then, I was alive and hot again!!!!!!! Yay!! Well, I got up from the floor, and mooned the agents. But they weren't looking. Aww. But then the agents turned around. And I was seeing everything in Matrixy code! It was way cool!!!!! Then they pulled out their guns, and I stopped them with my hand!!!! Hehe. I'm sooooo special. Then I hopped inside Agent Smith and made him blow up!!!!!!!!!! But then those guys from The Mummy said we stole their idea. The meanies. Then I fought the other 2 agents. Hehe. With one hand. Hehe.  
  
Entry 25:  
  
I told those agents that our battle wasn't over, and that they'd be seeing more of me and my uber-trenchcoat in all our hotness. Hehe. Then I hung up the pay phone, and stood there looking hot. I guess I am sort of useless. But whatever. Then I just flew away to the sound of Rage Against The Machine!! Yaaaaay !!!! (RATM: 'Although ya try to discredit ya still never edit. The needle, I'll thread it. Radically poetic. Standin' with the fury they had in '66. And like E-Double I'm mad. Still knee-deep in the system's shit. Hoover, he was a'- ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!! )  
  
J'AI FINI!!! YAAAAY!!! WHOOHOO!!!!!!! Shit!!!! I still have the others to finish. Oh cruel world!!!! Please Review!!! Please!! 


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